Sunday, December 4, 2011

HEAT Check: Why I Hate Shane Battier

Why do I hate Shane Battier? Let me count the ways...

The article, Miami Has a King, They Don't Need a Prince, provided the numbers and explanation of why the Miami HEAT don't need to sign a free agent small forward, but HEAT fans keep getting bombarded with rumors about the team signing Shane Battier.

It drives me crazy because I HATE Battier. Here are a few reasons why HEAT fans should hate Battier, too...
  1. He played for Duke. Since the second-greatest player in HEAT history played for Georgetown and was eliminated by Duke in the NCAA tournament his freshman year, HEAT fans should have no love for the Blue Devils. I don't care how much Nick and Micky Arison love Duke. Only fake ass fans side with owners over players.
  2. He's overrated. Articles like the New York Times' piece, "No Stats All-Star", written by "Moneyball" author Michael Lewis made Battier appear to be better than he really is because his plus-minus numbers are so good. The problem is that plus-minus is a piece of shit stat used by hustlers from Harvard to get high-paying jobs in the NBA. See the article Adjusted Plus-Minus: Hustling Outside the Box Score, for a more detailed explanation.
  3. HEAT don't need his defense. When Battier was the starter in Houston before the All-Star break last season, the Rockets allowed opponents' small forwards to score 22 points per game with 50% shooting efficiency. Overall, the Rockets' small forward defense led by Battier allowed opponents to produce a 7.6 Win Score. The HEAT allowed opponents' small forwards to score 18.9 points per game with 47% shooting efficiency. Overall, the HEAT small forward defense led by LeBron James allowed opponents to produce a 6.1 Win Score. The HEAT defense was 125% better without Battier.
  4. He flops. If you love floppers, then you're a fake ass fan. Yes, that means Duke fans are fake ass fans since Battier's been flopping since college.
  5. HEAT don't need his three-point shooting. James Jones made 43% of his three-pointers last season. Shane Battier only made 38% of his.
  6. HEAT don't need his rebounding. Mike Miller averaged 7.9 rebounds per 36 minutes last season. Shane Battier averaged 5.7 rebounds per 36 minutes.
  7. He's old. At 33, Battier's two years older than Jones and Miller. Sports economist David Berri ilustrated in his book Stumbling On Wins how quickly players that age decline.

Is that what you really want on your team HEAT fans? Wouldn't you prefer to have a Miami native like Jones and a player that Dwyane Wade, LeBron, Chris Bosh and Udonis Haslem sacrificed money for like Miller?


  1. Battier is less of a defender than James, less of a shooter than Jones, and less of a rebounder than Miller, but his value is that he combines strength in all of those areas within one person. Jones shoots better but is a defensive liability, so he mostly sits on the bench. Miller rebounds better but is not as good a defender and not as tough/resilient, so he ended up not being on the court much of the time. Battier is a good shooter, a good defender, and a good rebounder. And he is tough and resilient. Lebron is a strong all around player, but Battier is meant to be his backup. And a $5 mil or less, he comes much cheaper than Lebron.

  2. @Thor:

    With those specialists, the HEAT ranked 5th in defensive efficiency, 3.2 pts per 100 possessions behind the Bulls; 4th in shooting efficiency; 4th in defensive rebounding.

    The Celtics & Bulls ranked 1st in defensive efficiency and the HEAT beat them both handily. If anything, the HEAT needed more offense in those series, not defense. Battier won't improve the defense enough to make a significant difference (there will be a future post on this). HEAT fans complained about Spoelstra giving Miller more minutes than Jones because they wanted Jones' shooting. The same thing will happen with Battier when he's bricking 3s the reigning NBA 3-pt Champion would knock down.