Saturday, December 31, 2011

NBA Fanalyst Rankings: Eastern Conference on New Year's Eve

Since the preseason Fanalyst Rankings were such a hit, Mrs. NBA returns to the Miami Heat Index to play good cop/bad cop with the top eight teams in the Eastern Conference for the first week of the season.

There are two sides to every NBA Power Ranking: the Fanalytical and the Fanatical. As a Miami HEAT blogger living on the east coast, the MHI played the good cop (fanalyst) for the first week of play in the Eastern Conference. As a Denver Nuggets fan living west of the Mississippi River, Mrs. NBA played the bad cop (fan).

1. Miami Heat (4-0, Last Week #1)
Good Cop Fanalyst (MHI): How does a team stay number one in the rankings four games into the season without any good wins? Well, it’s easy when the conference is weak. The only other undefeated teams in the conference are the Hawks (who beat up on the Nets and Wizards) and the Pacers (who needed OT to beat the Cavs).

Bad Cop Fan (Mrs. NBA): BARELY, at #1. Barely beating the Timberwolves and the Bobcats???!!! That deserves Number 1? Can you separate your dick from Wade’s ass?? NO, that’s what I thought. For now they stay, but let’s talk when they don’t play a weak team.

2. Chicago Bulls (3-1, Last Week #2)
Good Cop Fanalyst (MHI): The Bulls looked worse than expected. They needed a last second shot from Derrick Rose to beat the Lakers without Andrew Bynum and got DRILLED in Oakland by the Warriors without Stephen Curry. They keep the second spot because they still looked better than the rest of the East in the first week of the season.

Bad Cop Fan (Mrs. NBA): They looked awful against the Warriors but more than made up for it when they ousted the Clippers. Then again, it’s the Clippers...

3. Atlanta Hawks (3-0, Last Week #5)
Good Cop Fanalyst (MHI): Only three teams have reached the conference semifinals the last three seasons: Celtics, Lakers and Hawks. The Hawks had the best efficiency differential in the NBA after two games, outscoring their opponents by 29.8 points per 100 possessions. They were weak opponents and the Hawks beat them like it.

Bad Cop Fan (Mrs. NBA): Who cares?!?! It’s the fuckin' Hawks...

4. Orlando Magic (3-1, Last Week #6)
Good Cop Fanalyst (MHI): As long as the Magic have Dwight Howard playing with a bunch of average players, the Magic are one of the four best teams in the East. If Ryan Anderson keeps playing like a star scoring 18 points per game with 61.3% shooting efficiency, then they’re even better than that.

Bad Cop Fan (Mrs. NBA): They still have the "Player That Can’t Shoot FTs"… You may know him as Dwight Howard. As long as they keep him there, they will stay in the top 4. However, they will ALWAYS fail against the +.500 teams.

5. Boston Celtics (1-3, Last Week #3)
Good Cop Fanalyst (MHI): If Paul Pierce was healthy, then the Celtics might be 3-1. Doc Rivers is resting Kevin Garnett six minutes into every game because he knows the Celtics will only be as good as their health allows. At an unhealthy 1-3 they’re still only ½ game out of the lead in the Atlantic Division.

Bad Cop Fan (Mrs. NBA): I get it. They didn’t have Princess Pierce, but how are they (with losing 3 straight games) ahead of the Pacers, Knicks, or anyone for that matter. They edged out the Pistons, THE FUCKING PISTONS!!! You MUST be a CLOSET BOSTON FAN!!! #FAKEASSFAN

6. Indiana Pacers (3-0, Last Week Unranked)
Good Cop Fanalyst (MHI): The Pacers had the second-best efficiency differential in the NBA after two games and the frontline of Roy Hibbert, Tyler Hansbrough and David West have gotten them off to a good start. An overtime game with the Cavs could be a bad sign of what’s to come, though.

Bad Cop Fan (Mrs. NBA): As I had stated last week, Pacers are the sleepers of the East. That’s all I need to say.

7. Milwaukee Bucks (2-1, Last Week #8)
Good Cop Fanalyst (MHI): The Bucks should be 3-0, but they blew a 14-point lead and lost the Bobcats in their season opener. Of course, the East is so weak they managed to move up a spot despite that disappointing loss.

Bad Cop Fan (Mrs. NBA): It’s the Bucks, enough said. However, do you have Beasley’s number???? I really need some pot brownies for a rager. NO?? FUCK.

8. Philadelphia 76ers (1-2, Last Week #7)
Good Cop Fanalyst (MHI): The Sixers lost to the Utah Jazz. The Jazz got blown out by the Lakers when the Purple & Gold were playing their third game in three nights without Bynum. The Jazz will be tanking by the end of the season and the Sixers lost to them. The fact they stayed in the rankings over the Knicks shows how bad Carmelo Anthony and company played this week. The Knicks' ranking 23rd in offensive and defensive efficiency dropped them out of the top eight.

Bad Cop Fan (Mrs. NBA): The Sixers over the Knicks?????????? You have to be FUCKING kidding me??? Did Melo hurt you??? Did Amar’e snub you???

Check out Mrs. NBA's blog for the Western Conference Fanalyst Rankings.

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