Saturday, January 7, 2012

NBA Fanalyst Rankings: Eastern Conference, Week 3

There are plenty of surprises in the third week of Fanalyst Rankings, including a new team in every spot and plenty of offbeat commentary from Mrs. NBA.

There are two sides to every NBA Power Ranking: the Fanalytical and the Fanatical. As a Miami HEAT blogger living on the east coast, the MHI played the Eastern Conference fanalyst. As a Denver Nuggets fan living west of the Mississippi River, Mrs. NBA played the fan. We switched roles for the Western Conference Rankings at her blog.

1. Chicago Bulls (7-1, Last Week #2)
MHI (the fanalyst): The Bulls are 5-0 in their last five games and outscored their opponents by an average of 18.8 points per 100 possessions including a 40-point beatdown of the Grizzlies, 14-point beatdown of the Magic in Orlando. Next week they play the Pistons, @Timberwolves, Wizards, @Celtics and @Raptors. They’re likely to go 5-0.

Mrs. NBA (the fan): GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!! You put Derrick Rose over your Dwyane Wade??!!!???!! But you are right though (for once). The Bulls didn’t lose to the Hawks. In fact, D. Rose won that game single-handedly… Well, maybe not.

2. Miami HEAT (7-1, Last Week #1)
MHI: The HEAT’s 39 and 36-point blowouts of the Bobcats and Pacers were impressive, but their loss at home to a Hawks team the Bulls managed to beat was disappointing. The fact the HEAT were able to beat the Hawks in triple overtime on the road without Dwyane Wade and LeBron James just makes their loss that much more disappointing. The HEAT’s efficiency differential over the last five games was +14.6, but the upcoming West coast road trip to face the Warriors, Clippers and Nuggets will make it difficult to go 5-0 like the Bulls.

Mrs. NBA: The Heat LOST to the Hawks!! The fucking Hawks!! Chris Bosh, minus Batman and Robin, was able to beat Atlanta in triple OT. How FUCKING sad is that?! The Bostrich won, but not the dynamic duo!!! But still, the Heat are greater than everyone else... Well, except the Bulls.

3. Philadelphia 76ers (4-2, Last Week #8)
MHI: The Sixers went 3-0 this week and 4-1 in their last five games. Doug Collins’ crew leads the NBA in efficiency differential by outscoring opponents by 12.9 points per 100 possessions. Their strength of schedule ranks 28th in the NBA but they’ve dominated it as expected (see Next week they play five games in seven days against the Pacers, Kings, Knicks and Wizards. If they continue to play like they did the second week of the season, then they’ll go 5-0.

Mrs. NBA: It’s the Sixers…

4. Atlanta Hawks (5-3, Last Week #3)
MHI: The Hawks gave last week’s #1 HEAT their first loss and almost beat the #2 Bulls in the United Center. The loss to Chris Bosh, Mario Chalmers and the HEAT bench was bad, but it still took them three overtimes to lose it. The Hawks have the fourth-best efficiency differential in the East and get to play @Nets, @Pacers, Bobcats and Timberwolves next week. They should be 8-4 when it’s all over.

Mrs. NBA: Clearly, the Hawks and the Heat should switch places. 'Bron and Wade couldn’t demolish them, how pathetic!!! However, it’s the Hawks and really, who gives 2 fucks about them??

5. Orlando Magic (5-3, Last Week #4)
MHI: The Magic tread water last week with a 2-2 record and maintained the fifth-best efficiency differential in the East for the season and the last five games. They’ll probably split both games this week on the road at Portland and Golden State. On, and off, the court the Magic are just trying to maintain until Dwight Howard’s next move is made. All they’re really maintaining is their status as playoff pretenders, not contenders, as their loss to the Bulls at home showed.

Mrs. NBA: YAWWWWNNNNN!!! Is D-12 traded yet??? I would rather watch Ron Artest wax his pole than this squad.

6. Boston Celtics (4-4, Last Week #5)
MHI: The Celtics went 3-1 in the second week of the season and outscored opponents by 7.9 points per 100 possessions in their last five games. Friday night’s loss to the Pacers, though, shows they still have a lot of work to do before they get above 0.500. Upcoming games against the Mavericks, Bulls and @Pacers won’t make that job any easier next week and will probably push them below 0.500 again.

Mrs. NBA: Oh, the Oldtics are still on your list???? They must have bought that year’s supply of Ben-gay…

7. Indiana Pacers (5-2, Last Week #6)
MHI: The Pacers took the frustrations from their 36-point loss to the HEAT out on the old men in Boston. It was a good win, but it doesn’t change the fact that six other teams in the East have a better efficiency differential than the Pacers and they play two of them next week before a back-to-back that starts in Toronto and ends with the Celtics coming to Indiana looking for revenge. If they go 0.500 next week, then it’s an achievement.

Mrs. NBA: Clearly you have something against crackas!! This is too low for them…. Why do you hate us so much???? Oh. Yeah. That whole slave thing…

8. Cleveland Cavaliers (4-3, Last Week Unranked)
MHI: Yes, the bottom of the East is so bad that the Cavs have cracked the Fanalyst rankings after going 3-1 in the second week of the season against the Nets, Bobcats, Raptors and Timberwolves. The Cavs may not stay in the rankings for long, though. They go on a West coast road trip to play the Jazz (4-3), Suns (3-4) and Lakers (5-4). They won’t be back here next week if they go 0-3.

Mrs.NBA: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! The FUCKING Cavs!!!! What happened to the Bucks?!?! I thought they were sooooooo good?!?!

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