Sunday, January 15, 2012

Week 4 Eastern Conference Fanalyst Rankings: D-FENCE!

The best defensive teams in the East steal the top spots in this week’s Fanalyst Rankings, which feature the most offensive comments Mrs. NBA can offer.

There are two sides to every NBA Power Ranking: the Fanalytical and the Fanatical. As a Miami HEAT blogger living on the east coast, MHI played the Eastern Conference fanalyst. As a Denver Nuggets fan living west of the Mississippi River, Mrs. NBA played the fan. The roles are reversed for the Western Conference Rankings at her blog.

1. Chicago Bulls (12-2, Last Week #1)
MHI: Only two teams scored more than 90 points on them all season and five teams have not broken the 80-point barrier. It’s easy to win games with a one-man offense when the defense plays like that. Their biggest obstacle next week will be Derrick Rose’s turf toe vs. Steve Nash, Kyrie Irving and Kemba Walker. It shouldn’t be a problem for the best point guard in the NBA.

Mrs. NBA: You mad, huh???? Bulls, right now lead the East…

2. Philadelphia 76ers (9-3, Last Week #3)
MHI: The Sixers CRUSHED teams by 20.6 points per 100 possessions in their last five games (best mark in the NBA), but they’re just 1-3 vs. teams above 0.500 this season. This week they play the Nuggets, Hawks and HEAT. They will prove they belong.

Mrs. NBA: They will have to beat 2/3 to prove anything…and by two I meant Denver and Hotlanta…

3. Atlanta Hawks (9-4, Last Week #4)
MHI: The Hawks were playing like a 55-win team before they learned Al Horford will be out three to four months with a torn pectoral muscle, but they’re just a 43-win team without him this season. Three home games next week will help them keep pace with the beasts of the East for the time being.

Mrs. NBA: Who cares, it’s the fucking HAWKS…

4. Orlando Magic (8-3, Last Week #5)
MHI: Dwight Howard’s still there, Ryan Anderson is playing like an All-Star (most wins produced by a PF in the Eastern Conference), Hedo Turkoglu has returned to his Most Improved Player form and JJ Reddick is scoring like he’s playing ACC competition. As long as those things stay true, they’ll go 3-1 against the Knicks, Bobcats, Spurs and Lakers this week.

Mrs. NBA: I give 0 fucks about this team. In the end, Dwight will leave and they will still be as boring to watch.

5. Indiana Pacers (9-3, Last Week #7)
MHI: The Pacers are 8-1 against bad teams this season and they get to play the Kings and Warriors on their west coast road trip before they play the Lakers. That will be enough to keep pace with the 76ers, Hawks and Magic for the second-best record in the East.

Mrs. NBA: You mad, huh??? Indiana > Miami. Let’s be honest, my dead goldfish is > than Miami. Indiana ousted the Celtics tonight, and by years end will be a top 4 team in the East.

6. Miami HEAT (8-4, Last Week #2)
MHI: Their three-game losing streak makes one thing clear - this team is not immortal or great. It’s just good and that won’t be enough if they play the Spurs, Lakers and Sixers without Dwyane Wade. They’re probably looking at a 2-2 week.

Mrs. NBA: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The Big 3, I mean ‘big’ as in a BIG FUCKING JOKE, are a combined 3-for-20 in Denver. You know, the town that SLAYED Miami, sent them home with another L. Lay down the crack pipe, empty that bottle of Henny, the Miami Heat AIN’T SHIT!

7. New York Knicks (6-6, Last Week Unranked)
MHI: The Knicks finally crack the Fanalyst Rankings after a terrible week by the Celtics and the Cavs, but how long they stay depends on the ankle of Carmelo Anthony. Without him, the Knicks are just a 0.400 team and could go 0-4 in their homestand against the Magic, Suns, Bucks and Nuggets. If Melo plays in three of those games, then they could stay at 0.500 this season and remain in the rankings.

Mrs. NBA: Are you fucking serious????? They barely edged out wins and they are placed seventh??? Might as well start their 2012 NBA Champion parade or get their sizes for their rings. Carmelo is injured, even with him, they Knicks are trash.

8. Boston Celtics (4-7, Last Week #6)
MHI: The Cavs lost their spot by going 0-3 on the west coast. The Celtics went 0-3 against the Mavs, Bulls and Pacers, but they’ll get better against the Raptors, Suns and Wizards this week. They’re still a few weeks away from cracking 0.500 but it’s coming.

Mrs. NBA: Oh, I thought their age wouldn’t matter??? The world’s entire supply of Ben-Gay WILL NOT help these seniors. They might as well join the Boston Chapter of “Wheelchair Basketball”.

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