Saturday, January 28, 2012

Week 6 Eastern Conference Fanalyst Rankings: Swagger


Teams can't just talk about being the best in the East, they have to act like the best team in the East. Acting like the best takes swagger. This week's Fanalyst Rankings show which teams have it and which teams don't.

There are two sides to every NBA Power Ranking: the Fanalytical and the Fanatical. As a Miami HEAT blogger living on the east coast, MHI played the Eastern Conference fanalyst. As a Denver Nuggets fan living west of the Mississippi River, Mrs. NBA played the fan. The roles are reversed for the Western Conference Rankings.


1. Chicago Bulls (17-4, Last Week #1)
MHI (the Fanalyst): The Bulls begin a nine-game road trip in Miami on Sunday and it will probably be the best chance a team will have to knock them out the #1 spot. They still have the 2nd-best schedule-adjusted efficiency differential in the conference and the only potholes on their schedule next week are @HEAT and @Sixers. Anger after their first loss to the Pacers resulted in Derrick Rose beginning to show signs of swagger. It’s about time after four weeks of being the best in the East.

Mrs. NBA (the Fan): Bulls > HEAT. Enough said.

2. Miami HEAT (14-5, Last Week #2)
MHI: Dwyane Wade returned from injury and brought the swagger back to the HEAT. They’ll need that swagger to get their first regular season victory over the Bulls in two years. The HEAT are less than a point behind the Bulls in schedule-adjusted efficiency differential and can move past them this week with a victory on Sunday. They could also use that swagger for a revenge game in Milwaukee on Wednesday and a trip to Philadelphia on Friday. No back-to-back games for the HEAT this week, so fatigue shouldn’t prevent them from putting together another undefeated week.

Mrs. NBA: Look at ole boy, Dwyane Wade, coming out of retirement. How SURPRISING it was the game that Melo chose not to play in. COINCIDENCE??? At least they managed to pull their shit together and beat them, unlike the Bucks! Yeah, the Heat lost to the Bucks. Wait for it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

3. Atlanta Hawks (14-6, Last Week #3)
MHI: The Hawks have the best schedule-adjusted efficiency differential in the NBA, but their performances against the HEAT and Bulls and the Al Horford injury keep them from claiming the top spot. Josh Smith gives the Hawks their swagger but they will need a big game from Joe Johnson, the Silent Killer, if they want to beat the 76ers when they come to Atlanta on Saturday and stay in the top 3.

Mrs. NBA: Although, I incessantly tease Heat fans about the Hawks, at the end of the day they are equated to a YAWN FEST! Do Hawks fans even exist???

4. Philadelphia 76ers (13-6, Last Week #5)
MHI: Nobody beats up on weak teams like the Sixers and that’s driven them to the 4th-best schedule adjusted efficiency differential in the NBA. Beating the bad teams like the Wizards doesn’t give players real confidence, though, and the Sixers will need that for games against the Magic, Bulls, Heat and @Hawks next week. They haven’t played a good team since they got run out of Miami. Where will the swagger come from in those close games? Doug Collins? Spencer Hawes? Lou Williams has heart but does he have SWAG? If he doesn’t, the Sixers may get passed by the Celtics in the Fanalyst Rankings and the Atlantic Division standings.

Mrs. NBA: Although the Sixers are competitive, they are merely racking up wins against sub-par teams. They have yet to pull off a convincing win. This next week they will have a losing record. BOOK IT!

5. Boston Celtics (9-9, Last Week #8)
MHI: The Celtics went 4-0 last week and have the 3rd-best schedule-adjusted efficiency differential in the NBA over the last 5 games. Next week they get to play @Cavs, Raptors ( 2nd night of a back-to-back), Knicks and Grizzlies. The Angry Old Men are making their move in the East as expected. If there’s one thing they do well, it’s bring the same swagger to the game that they bring to a bar fight.

Mrs. NBA: “It was a bar fight, Craig. A bar fight. It was a bar fight. That was a bar fight.”

6. Indiana Pacers (12-6, Last Week #6)
MHI: The Pacers are a weird team. They pulled off a miracle to beat the Lakers and Bulls on the road, but got blown out by the Magic at home. They’re top 10 in schedule-adjusted efficiency differential, but no team with Danny Granger as its best player has enough swagger to inspire any confidence that they’ll perform well with two sets of back-to-backs next week against the Nets (which have a better schedule-adjusted efficiency differential than the Pacers in the last 5 games), @Timberwolves, @Mavs and Magic.

Mrs. NBA: The Hoosiers did beat the Lakers, but then the Lakers are utter trash right now, and NO, gun toting Arenas ain’t going to make them contenders. Anyways, the Pacers still blow.

7. Orlando Magic (12-7, Last Week #4)
MHI: It doesn’t take advance stats to figure this team out. They gave the Celtics fans a look at what basketball was like before the shot clock by only scoring 56 points and losing by 31 in Boston. Somehow, they go on the road and beat the Pacers by 19 on the 2nd night of a back-to-back before blowing a 27-point lead against the Celtics AT HOME, and then hopping back in the time machine to play pre-shot clock hoops in a 26-point loss to the Hornets. The only reason they’re ranked below the Pacers is because Dwight Howard will be traded no later than a week after the All-Star Break and there’s no swagger when he’s gone.

Mrs. NBA: HOW SUCKY OF A FUCKING TEAM ARE YOU THAT YOU GIVE UP A 27-POINT LEAD TO A NURSING HOME SQUAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have no words for DWIGHT “I’m a BABY and IDGAF” HOWARD!!!! NUT THE FUCK UP DUDE!!!

8. Milwaukee Bucks (7-11, Last Week Unranked)
MHI: Guess who’s back? The Bucks were expected to go 0-4 last week, but they rode Brandon Jennings’ swagger caddy to big upsets in Miami (where he ate the HEAT PGs alive on the 2nd night of a back-to-back) and Houston where Kyle Lowry only shot 2-16. Fear the Deer: they posted the 2nd-best schedule-adjusted efficiency differential in the NBA over the last 5 games. The Bucks should go 2-2 this week with a home-and-home against the Pistons and visits from the HEAT and Bulls.

Mrs. NBA: More important than the below average production of the Bucks and the injured Bogut is this fact: HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES CAN YOU USE SWAGGER IN A RANKING POST?????? Are you bi-curious?????? Makes sense why you are so SENSITIVE about Chris Bosh

No comments:

Post a Comment

Post a Comment