Saturday, March 17, 2012

Week 13 Eastern Conference Fanalyst Rankings: Bracketology Edition


This week's Fanalyst Rankings brings a little March Madness to the best teams in the Eastern Conference.

Fans of bracketology will love this week's East Fanalyst Rankings. RPI and strength of schedule is replaced by schedule-adjusted efficiency differential while conference and non-conference records are replaced by records against the Fanalyst Rankings.

There are two sides to every NBA Power Ranking: the Fanalytical and the Fanatical. As a Miami HEAT blogger living on the east coast, MHI played the Eastern Conference fanalyst for games thru Friday. As a Denver Nuggets fan living west of the Mississippi River, the NBA Mistress played the fan and provided the slander. The roles are reversed for the Western Conference Rankings.


1. Miami HEAT (32-11, Last Week #1)
MHI: The HEAT make a strong case for the #1 seed in the East with the best schedule-adjusted efficiency differential in the NBA according to NBAstuffer.com. Anchoring the HEAT’s case for best in the East is their 14-4 record against the other teams in the East Fanalyst Rankings, but their toughest test next week will be Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook and the top team in the West Fanalyst Rankings. HEAT will go 2-1 next week.

NBA Mistress: GET THE ENTIRE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!! They lose a back-to-back and are defeated by a ROSE-Less BULLS and they are first?!?!?! How does that Bull taste in your mouth, holmes!?!?!

2. Chicago Bulls (36-10, Last Week #2)
MHI: Bulls have the second-best schedule-adjusted efficiency differential in the NBA and a big win at home over the HEAT without Derrick Rose to earn a #2 seed in the East. Chicago has the 2nd-best record against teams in the East Fanalyst Rankings at 10-6. They’ll make it 11-6 with a win in Orlando on Monday to kick off a 3-0 week.

NBA Mistress: SHUT THE FUCK UP, G!! Bulls should be first this week, yeah they lost to the Blazers last night, but the fuggin HEAT LOST TO THEM!!!

3. Philadelphia 76ers (25-19, Last Week #4)
MHI: Sixers have the 3rd-best efficiency differential in the East against the easiest schedule in the conference. Philly struggled with losses against the Pacers and HEAT this week, but has the 4th-most wins against teams in the East Fanalyst Rankings and a 7-7 record. Sixers should extend their lead in the Atlantic Division next week with two wins over the Knicks and Celtics, but can they beat the Pacers in a playoff series? These rankings say yes.

NBA Mistress: Heat ALMOST lost that fucking game. How crappy are you as a team where you give up a 27-point lead!!!!! Heat lucked out, plain and simple.

4. Atlanta Hawks (25-19, Last Week #3)
MHI: Hawks have the fifth-best schedule-adjusted efficiency differential in the East, but they’re only 6-10 against teams in the East Fanalyst Rankings. Atlanta will struggle next week. They kick things off on the second night of a back-to-back against the Celtics and end with a back-to-back-to-back. The Hawks get the 4th-seed in the East because they’re 6-2 against the Orlando Magic in their last eight games.

NBA Mistress: It's the Hawks! Just thinking of the way they play makes my soul fall asleep. They couldn't even beat the Nuggets in overtime and the Nuggets are a HORRID finishing team. They are 1-and done in the playoffs. Book it.

5. Orlando Magic (29-16, Last Week #8)
MHI: Dwight Howard’s opt-in for next season gets the Magic a #5 seed despite only having the 6th-best schedule-adjusted efficiency differential in the conference. If the Magic want to move up the Fanalyst Rankings, then they need to beat the HEAT or Bulls in their upcoming back-to-back.

NBA Mistress: Yes, Dwight stayed, but unless they beat one of the above two, they are still going to be no more than a second round playoff team.

6. Indiana Pacers (25-17, Last Week #5)
MHI: Pacers have the fifth-best schedule-adjusted efficiency differential in the NBA, but they’re only 6-11 against other teams in the East Fanalyst Rankings. Pacers don’t play any of those teams next week, but playing their last back-to-back-to-back of the season will hold them to a 2-2 split. Frank Vogel’s crew will merit better than a #6 seed in the East if they win more than that.

NBA Mistress: Pacers sucked it up yesterday!!! I know Granger is somewhere eating some crow.

7. Boston Celtics (23-20, Last Week #7)
MHI: Celtics only have the eighth-best schedule-adjusted efficiency differential in the East. Boston is 6-7 against teams in the East Fanalyst Rankings. That record will get worse next week with losses in Atlanta and Philadelphia, but they’ve earned the #7 seed in the East because the Knicks haven’t been able to beat them when they’re healthy.

NBA Mistress: How did the FUCKING Kings BLOW OUT the Celtics?? Remember, when your dumb ass said age didn't matter. PFFT!! It sure is showing, huh??? Celtics aren't anything but some old ass dudes in the wheel chair and Rondo is their bitch applying the Ben Gay.

8. New York Knicks (20-24, Last Week #6)
MHI: Knicks have the seventh-best schedule-adjusted efficiency differential in the East, but the worst record against teams in the East Fanalyst Rankings (3-8). New York celebrated Mike D’Antoni’s resignation with blowouts of a “Didn’t Give A Fuck” Blazers team before the trade deadline and a Pacers team that was talking shit about them. The celebration will die when they only go 2-2 after two sets of back-to-backs next week.

NBA Mistress: OH, the Knicks!! They have been MESSY as of late and the fans are all sorts of GASSED up after two wins against a TRASHY ass Blazers team and a Pacers team that didn't give a fuck.

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