Saturday, April 7, 2012

Week 16 Eastern Conference Fanalyst Rankings: Surprises & Disappointments

This shortened season is full of surprises and disappointments. This week's Fanalyst Rankings looks at the surprises and disappointments for the best teams in the Eastern Conference this season.

There are two sides to every NBA Power Ranking: the Fanalytical and the Fanatical. As a Miami HEAT blogger living on the east coast, MHI played the Eastern Conference fanalyst for games thru Friday. As a Denver Nuggets fan living west of the Mississippi River, the NBA Mistress played the fan and provided the slander. The roles are reversed for the Western Conference Rankings.

1. Miami HEAT (39-15, Last Week #1)

MHI: The HEAT are still almost one point better than the Bulls in points scored and allowed per possession based on strength of schedule but they were disappointing going 2-2 last week instead of the predicted 4-0. They looked like they gave less than a fuck during blowouts by the Celtics and Grizzlies. If they give a fuck next week, then they should go 3-1 vs. the Celtics, @Bulls, Bobcats and @Knicks.

NBA Mistress: How fitting a Miami Heat fan keeps his team in the number one slot even after horrible losses, blowouts nonetheless. However, the Roseless Bulls aren't much better. So for now, you can keep your fandom.

2. Chicago Bulls (43-13, Last Week #2)

MHI: The Bulls still have the second-best schedule-adjusted efficiency differential in the NBA but it was a disappointing week that started with back-to-back losses to the Thunder and Rockets. Even more disappointing is Derrick Rose’s injury problems. With or without Rose, the Bulls should go 2-1 next week, but internal bleeding in the groin? R.I.P to the Bulls’ 2012 title hopes.

NBAMistress: Let's forget about their losses this week for a moment and concentrate on something far more important: How the hell can he rub one out with a groin injury with internal bleeding?? Come on now?!?! That fine ass Derrick Rose can't even pleasure himself - - That's the real issue.

3. Atlanta Hawks (33-23, Last Week #3)

MHI: The Hawks are one of the surprises of this season. They have a better winning percentage this season than last season despite playing 45 of 56 games without Al Horford, their all-star center who was cleared for weight work on Friday. The Hawks are guaranteed a spot in the Eastern Conference Semifinals if he returns for the playoffs, so don’t sleep on them if they only go 1-2 next week @Celtics, @Magic and vs. Raptors.

NBA Mistress: It's the freaking Hawks!?! Why must you insist that they are something when they are, in fact, not...

4. Boston Celtics (30-24, Last Week #7)

MHI: The Celtics’ season started as a disappointment but they’re now back in control of the Atlantic Division as predicted. They lost games against the Spurs and Bulls as expected and will probably lose to the Pacers and Sixers this weekend. They’re not as good as the Hawks, either, but could take them in a first round series if Al Horford doesn’t play or isn’t effective.

NBA Mistress: Boston and Miami in the ECF... THAT IS ALL!!!

5. Orlando Magic (32-20, Last Week #6)

MHI: The Magic may be the most disappointing team in the East this season. They’re a chickenshit organization that should’ve traded Dwight Howard and fired Otis Smith. Instead, they kept them both and Stan Van Gundy threw it in their faces on Thursday. Despite all that, they could luck into a first round matchup against the Pacers. The Magic are 3-1 vs. Indiana this season. More good news: they should bounce back from their losing streak and go 4-0 next week vs. the Pistons, Wizards, Hawks and Cavs.

NBA Mistress: *Does the Stan Van Gundy Diet Pepsi Sip in the Eastern Conference Fanalyst Rankings* All of a sudden, SVG is a mutha fuggin GANGSTA!

6. Indiana Pacers (34-21, Last Week #4)

MHI: The Pacers surprising season continued this week when they lost to the Knicks but beat the Thunder. Pacer fans shouldn’t be surprised if their team doesn’t advance to the second round of the playoffs, but they should be surprised if the Pacers go 4-0 next week against the Raptors, Cavs and Bucks. A 3-1 record is more likely.

NBA Mistress: It's still Indiana, though.

7. Philadelphia 76ers (29-25, Last Week #5)

MHI: The 76ers started the season as a surprise but it’s ending in disappointment after losing their lead in the Atlantic Division and losing at home to the Raptors. If Andre Iguodala can adjust to playing with his eye injury, then they should go 3-0 next week against the Nets and Raptors.

NBA Mistress: The Sixers went from a every one's sleeper team to a team that is just sleeping. Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

8. New York Knicks (28-27, Last Week #8)

MHI: The Knicks went from a disappointment in the beginning of the season to a surprise with Jeremy Lin and then back to a disappointment when Carmelo Anthony and Amare Stoudemire returned to the lineup. They’re once again surprising people with upset wins over the Pacers and Magic this week. It will be another surprise if the Knicks do better than 1-3 next week against the Bulls, Bucks, Wizards and HEAT.

NBA Mistress: It's the New York Knicks...

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